The recent events surrounding Sarah Everard's disappearance and assumed death are sickening and terrifying whichever way you look at it. It has since sparked a social media outburst, educating audiences on the fears women face everyday that a man does not, and what men can do to help prevent any future shocking incidents, subsequently easing the daily fears that so many have to deal with.
I feel at this point, I don't need to provide background to the Sarah Everard case, as I'm sure you are all aware of it at this point. If not, please dig yourself out of your hole, read about it, then come back here of course. The worst part though, which has also been well documented particularly on social media, is that Everard did not make any errors of judgement that evening and followed many of the suggested tips to avoid lurking men of the night.
Which ultimately leaves the question, why did this happen? Of course, more details may yet emerge on the case and given how grotesque some of the specifics are so far, such as a police officer, no less, being the suspect, they may provide some insight into some of the potential motives behind the event.
As it stands, we must consider this a vile act of mankind, a demonstration of the worst case scenario for women, and that it could happen to anyone. It is our duty for the future of society, to make sure we educate MEN on the impacts of our actions. It is no time to shy away and argue it wasn't me. There is no need to educate women in this instance. They are more than fully aware of what to do when vulnerable, alone and in public, particularly at night.
They are aware because all women have had either direct or indirect experiences with men, where they have been involuntarily sexualised and intimidated in public situations. Women have been forced to learn and then teach each other how to best deal with these issues, but now it is the turn of men to learn and teach each other on how to prevent sexual assault, harassment and intimidation, because it almost always men who are the culprits. Women had to learn through fear for their own safety, men now need to learn through fear for their sisters, mothers, daughters and friends.
But there's an obstacle in the way for men's education. Denial. #notallmen has been trending on Twitter. Fucks sake it's not about you mate. If 97% of women have been sexually harassed and all you can respond with is "it wasn't me" then you need to stop because that's not helpful. Yes, it's impossible to know how much of the male population has sexually harassed a woman at some point in their life but people aren't stupid, they know that there are supposedly "good" and "innocent" men out there. The problem is many women have experienced so much sexual harassment in their life that they will be afraid of any man before they've even gotten to know them, simply out of previous experiences.
Men don't understand why women complain about being cat-called or having sexual attention in their direction. Well I can tell you why. Because its rarely - or more likely never - happened to them. Men don't get cat-called in the streets very often, or sexually harassed in public or a workplace. But I can tell you for a fact that some men would actually want to be. They would thrive off the attention thrown in their direction by the opposite sex.
If a woman called across the street complimenting (derogatorily), some fragile male egos would sky rocket. They would be thriving off it for days, walking with a swagger and they wouldn't stop for a second and think hang on have I been sexually harassed? *I would like to clarify, however, that this would not always be the case, obviously.*
But to women it happens far too often, to the point that it is no longer a boost to the ego or a compliment. It's scary for them because they know they are vulnerable and are all too aware of the precedent that has been set by men with rape culture. In the case of Sarah Everard, it's gone far beyond that.
It's that fear that most men have never experienced, and never will. Men try to compensate for the "under-sexualisation" they experience, by "over-sexualising" women. And the problem is most men don't even know they are doing it. It can simply be a passing comment or look that makes a woman uncomfortable, up to the more obvious examples where you touch a woman without consent, attempt to kiss them or force any action upon them against their will. A lot of men assume this is okay. Whilst it might be quite normal in our society, that doesn't make it okay.
Unfortunately though, it is clear that rape culture and sexual harassment will never disappear. Although with education and awareness we can hope for it to decrease, other cultures are different and it's been a common part of society for centuries. Most significantly perhaps, for some disgusting and weak men, the power of their testosterone is stronger than the power of their brain...
In the last few hours, #curfewformen has been trending on Twitter, suggesting men should not be allowed out past a certain time for the safety of women, which in all honesty would be the perfect temporary lesson for men, even though it will never happen. The response to the hashtag has largely been anger from ignorant men who are missing the point that women have an unwritten curfew just to be safe, so why shouldn't men have an official one. But some men can't bear the thought of having something taken away from them.
As it was with George Floyd last summer kickstarting BLM, Sarah Everard has left an important legacy and its one that we must work with together to make a lasting improvement. It is our duty as men to protect women, not endanger them, so boys - talk about it with each other, so we can stop it at the fucking source.
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